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  • Lijing Cobb

What does your heart tell you?

My dream told me to write poetry

So it must be the right thing to do

In fact in my dream I wrote beautiful poetry

So much profound truth in it that I woke up

Inspired

But didn’t write it down

If it’s true, it’ll come back again


So I sit in front of my computer

And start to write beautiful poetry

But words came

And the feeling stays

It’s inside, if only you could see

The darkness outside can’t hide the sunlight


On the path to the truth and beauty I seek every day

I trip over my littered past

I bump into my ghosts and say, what’s up with that?

My heart flutters with half truths, and my mind makes up the other half

The days go by, I heave a sigh, but never quite satisfied


So much to do

So much to read

So much to think

So much to feel

So much, and so little


I write down the time

From 7:38 to 9:45 I do this

And the next day I repeat

From 4:55 to 6:04 I do this

I let time dictate the worth of what I do

Because I must read for an hour and write for two

Only so…

And on and on it goes

Time pays no heed

There remains a crack, a blemish, a dark spot

Never quite finished

Always go, go, go


So I say, stop! Savor!

Be here and now!

What’s happening right in front of my eyes?

What’s coursing through my marvelous brain?

What does this body need?

What feeds this insatiable hunger?

What is missing that is so important?

What could make me whole?


And the day is silent.

Who’s my teacher?

I am.

Who’s my teacher?

You are.

Who’s my teacher?

Nobody.

Who’s my teacher?

Silence.


I know what to do

I have no clue

Just go with it, let the water of life carry this body

But the mind rages

And on and on it deviates

From the course of the water

On and on it thinks

So much thought


Today 45, yesterday 2000, tomorrow -322

What is this that sits on my chest?

What is this that whips at the back of my head?

What is this that makes beautiful poetry in my sleep, and forgets when I wake?

Questions upon questions I go

A thinking being on her two feet

Ascending a hot air balloon

Carried by the wind, her course unknown

Her heart fluttering, uncertain

Looking towards the light


Towards the light I go

Alone

Wishing upon a star for company, connection, a little hand to hold

So I linger for the warmth, the smile, the twinkle in the eye

I root down, I huddle and snuggle

Life is beautiful


Just as I am

This moment, in this space

Take a picture of me, freeze it

This is you, this is me

This is us, in time and space

Forever mobile, forever frozen

It’s all the same, today, yesterday, tomorrow

3:33, 4:44, 5:55

Catch the bus

Or not

There is a way you get there

It’s all the same


Work yourself up

Rise in anger

When you calm down

It’s all the same


Work yourself up

Do the right thing

When the endorphins pass

It’s all the same


It’s the expectation

Isn’t it

That there is an answer to all this

All this doing, all this thinking, all this feeling

That the answer is love, truth, light, forgiveness, gratitude

And everything else important you can think of


But just who said there was ever a question?

Who is asking the question?

Why are we asking the question?

Why can’t we just live and do our thing?


More questions


We want to know

And that is the root of all

This ceaseless urge to control

Because once we know…

The three little dots say it all

You know


God, His Highness, the Supreme One

Whoever invented us

Gave us a brain as a joke

Go ahead, sentient being

Think

And see where that leads you

The unending riddle

From the day you are born, till the day you go back to your maker

Think, and solve this endless riddle of your brain

See where that gets you

Haha


Logic and reason will get you far

But beautiful poetry visits only in your dream

Go figure out that riddle


If it is true, it’ll come again

And why is that important


This poet, this poetess, this thinking being, this being who wants to unthink

Has no answer


But down the road we go

Put one foot in front of the other

That’s interesting

But don’t think about it


Don’t think about it

My friend

What does your heart tell you?

Don’t put a name to it

My friend

What does your heart tell you?

Don’t try to nail it down

My friend

What does your heart tell you?


This poem that is not a poem

Don’t try to make sense of it

What does your heart tell you?

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