Lijing Cobb
What does your heart tell you?
My dream told me to write poetry
So it must be the right thing to do
In fact in my dream I wrote beautiful poetry
So much profound truth in it that I woke up
Inspired
But didn’t write it down
If it’s true, it’ll come back again
So I sit in front of my computer
And start to write beautiful poetry
But words came
And the feeling stays
It’s inside, if only you could see
The darkness outside can’t hide the sunlight
On the path to the truth and beauty I seek every day
I trip over my littered past
I bump into my ghosts and say, what’s up with that?
My heart flutters with half truths, and my mind makes up the other half
The days go by, I heave a sigh, but never quite satisfied
So much to do
So much to read
So much to think
So much to feel
So much, and so little
I write down the time
From 7:38 to 9:45 I do this
And the next day I repeat
From 4:55 to 6:04 I do this
I let time dictate the worth of what I do
Because I must read for an hour and write for two
Only so…
And on and on it goes
Time pays no heed
There remains a crack, a blemish, a dark spot
Never quite finished
Always go, go, go
So I say, stop! Savor!
Be here and now!
What’s happening right in front of my eyes?
What’s coursing through my marvelous brain?
What does this body need?
What feeds this insatiable hunger?
What is missing that is so important?
What could make me whole?
And the day is silent.
Who’s my teacher?
I am.
Who’s my teacher?
You are.
Who’s my teacher?
Nobody.
Who’s my teacher?
Silence.
I know what to do
I have no clue
Just go with it, let the water of life carry this body
But the mind rages
And on and on it deviates
From the course of the water
On and on it thinks
So much thought
Today 45, yesterday 2000, tomorrow -322
What is this that sits on my chest?
What is this that whips at the back of my head?
What is this that makes beautiful poetry in my sleep, and forgets when I wake?
Questions upon questions I go
A thinking being on her two feet
Ascending a hot air balloon
Carried by the wind, her course unknown
Her heart fluttering, uncertain
Looking towards the light
Towards the light I go
Alone
Wishing upon a star for company, connection, a little hand to hold
So I linger for the warmth, the smile, the twinkle in the eye
I root down, I huddle and snuggle
Life is beautiful
Just as I am
This moment, in this space
Take a picture of me, freeze it
This is you, this is me
This is us, in time and space
Forever mobile, forever frozen
It’s all the same, today, yesterday, tomorrow
3:33, 4:44, 5:55
Catch the bus
Or not
There is a way you get there
It’s all the same
Work yourself up
Rise in anger
When you calm down
It’s all the same
Work yourself up
Do the right thing
When the endorphins pass
It’s all the same
It’s the expectation
Isn’t it
That there is an answer to all this
All this doing, all this thinking, all this feeling
That the answer is love, truth, light, forgiveness, gratitude
And everything else important you can think of
But just who said there was ever a question?
Who is asking the question?
Why are we asking the question?
Why can’t we just live and do our thing?
More questions
We want to know
And that is the root of all
This ceaseless urge to control
Because once we know…
The three little dots say it all
You know
God, His Highness, the Supreme One
Whoever invented us
Gave us a brain as a joke
Go ahead, sentient being
Think
And see where that leads you
The unending riddle
From the day you are born, till the day you go back to your maker
Think, and solve this endless riddle of your brain
See where that gets you
Haha
Logic and reason will get you far
But beautiful poetry visits only in your dream
Go figure out that riddle
If it is true, it’ll come again
And why is that important
This poet, this poetess, this thinking being, this being who wants to unthink
Has no answer
But down the road we go
Put one foot in front of the other
That’s interesting
But don’t think about it
Don’t think about it
My friend
What does your heart tell you?
Don’t put a name to it
My friend
What does your heart tell you?
Don’t try to nail it down
My friend
What does your heart tell you?
This poem that is not a poem
Don’t try to make sense of it
What does your heart tell you?